Look up a walkthrough for Gregory Quest on GameFAQs.

Concentrating with all your might, you somehow manage to conjure your laptop. To your amazement, you’re also able to access the internet from wherever it is the tunnel drink spat you out! “I should really remember to use these abilities I’ve suddenly realized I have in future encounters,” you think to yourself. Unfortunately your memory isn’t what it used to be.

You connect to GameFAQs and look up “Gregory Quest.” You find exactly one guide, last updated March 15, 2004 by SoraXRikuFan774. It’s 50,000 words long and has a sick ASCII logo at the top. You’re in luck!

Oddly enough, the section covering this chapter also describes looking up a guide on GameFAQs, and describes the character of Gregory finding a guide whose descriptions exactly match the one you’re reading. In fact, the entire rest of the guide is nothing but a recursive loop of Gregorys looking up guides telling them what to do in Gregory Quest, only to find out that the guide writer also had to look up a guide.

You close the guide as your migraine begins to swell. “Maybe the message boards have some tips for me,” you think. No such luck there, though, as the entire board has been overtaken by people who have decided to make it the unofficial board for their favorite obscure mid-2000s internet cartoon, Bonus Stage.

Your laptop’s battery dies. Apparently you forgot to charge it last night, as usual. Probably should’ve made better use of it while it still had charge.

Whaddaya do now?

> Ask him who he is before responding.