Use the orb of darkness in whatever battle awaits outside.

December 11, 2019 (Last modified Sun Mar 3 01:01 -0500)

Can you pass me that orb?

Mankind haphazardly tosses the orb to you. “Squeeze it when you wanna cause a blackout. Let’s go, I’m gettin’ antsy.

You lightly grip the orb in your left hand and steel yourself before jumping into the fray. You grip your prop pistol in your right hand and quickly turn the corner.

You’re greeted with smoke coming from the end of the block, approximately two hundred feet away. You see dozens of unarmed Cena clones sprinting down the side street, going just out of sight, and being blown backwards by what you presume to be very powerful weapons. You see large plants being thrown into the horde of Cenas every few seconds.

Evidently, you’ve found the rest of your party.

Those your friends there?” asks Mankind. You nod and begin walking toward the horde, and break into a sprint as you get closer. When you’re about 20 feet from the mass of clones, Mankind starts firing his shotgun wildly into the crowd with his right hand and shooting firebolts with his left. “YEEHAW!” exclaims Mankind, while unleashing a sweeping volley against dozens of Cenas. You notice that, despite them being mortally wounded, none of the clones are bleeding.

You activate the orb of darkness and the three clones inside the orb’s area of effect immediately freeze in confusion. One of them notices you and loudly grunts, alerting the other two. The three dash towards you.

When the first Cena gets within a couple yards of you, you aim for its head and fire your prop pistol. “This is for hogging the Xbox all day,” you think while murdering your former roommate. The clone goes down instantly. You do the same for the second clone. Not only is there no blood coming from the downed Cenas, there’s no gore, either: you notice that the bullet has left a clean hole through the forehead, revealing that Cena’s interior is the same color as his skin.

You’re quite confused by this, and your lapse in attention allows the third clone to reach you. Its leg is clearly broken, probably from one of those plants being tossed a minute ago. You aim for the head, and are about to fire when Mankind’s ghostly figure appears from your right and punches Cena incredibly hard. The clone’s head flies off effortlessly, again leaving no gore. You notice that Cena has no visible bones. It appears that the clones are made of… Wax?

The darkness around you begins to fade, revealing a pile of out-of-commission Cenas directly in front of you. You turn around and, sure enough, you see your comrades: Macho Man, El Disgusto, The Rock, and… The Ultimate Warrior?

The Ultimate Warrior walks up to you. “Hey pal, how’s it hangin’?” he asks while giving you a firm handshake. He notices your befuddled look quite quickly, and begins to explain himself. “Sorry for all the… events, from recently. I ran out of meds,” he says, shaking a glass bottle labeled “ANTI-DISTRUSITIVES” in permanent marker. “Lucky for me, we found some on the way in.” He smirks.

You hear a shout from behind The Ultimate Warrior. “THERE HE IS!Macho Man saunters over to you and gives you a big hug. You begin to question the physical properties of ghosts for a moment, before you realize you can’t breathe. Macho Man lets you go. “Hell, man, we thought you were dead! Who’s this other guy?

The name’s Mankind,*” he says, pointing at himself with his thumb. Macho Man’s eyes open in realization. “Oh, yeah, I remember! Hell in a Cell, right?” “Yup.” “You had great performances, man; I loved watching you back in the day. You were a beast!” “Still am.

The Rock and El Disgusto walk over to greet you. The Rock silently bows in front of you. El Disgusto gives you a quick ‘sup nod.

How’d you all find me?” you ask. “We thought you would hear the commotion and find us,” says The Rock. “Evidently, we were correct.

You look around and a sense of dread washes over you. “Where’s Vince?Macho Man looks down and shakes his head. “No clue. We figured he was with you, Gregory.The Ultimate Warrior slaps his forehead and exclaims “Oh, that’s your name! I didn’t know if you said it and I wasn’t paying attention or something. Cool, cool.

Macho Man turns toward you. “We better get going. Vince could be anywhere.The Ultimate Warrior notices what you’re talking about and walks back over to you. “These meds,” he says while shaking the bottle, “don’t let me use my powers. Before I got back on ’em, though, I summoned something that I think belongs to you. It might be useful.The Ultimate Warrior gestures to a car parked behind your friends.

It’s your 1992 Toyota Corolla. Somehow, after everything that you’ve experienced, Wrestlemania still manages to surprise you.

Macho Man gestures to the car. “You ready?

Your friends have rejoined your party, and you now have a car!

You have a prop pistol with one round, two candles, a lighter, a depleted orb of darkness, and two VHS tapes of John Cena in his early years.

What will you do next?

> Tell everyone about the VHS tapes and suggest we go back to the video store to watch them for clues about what we should do.

< Previous page< Back to the start