Check the phone and call back whoever it was that called.

January 20, 2016 (Last modified Sun Mar 3 01:01 -0500)

You check your phone. It was a 1-800 number. Nothing important.

You hear your mailbox slam shut. Mail’s here! You should go and get it. Alternatively, you can drive into the city and run your 1992 Toyota Corolla on the sidewalk. Will you take the rational course of action, or kill everyone? The choice is yours!

> Set the mail on fire as it is unimportant, then go into John's room and spontaneously inform him that he is being evicted and if he and his belongings are not gone within half an hour I'll call the police and set fire to anything left behind.

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